Sakura and the Rumballs of Doom
by Practicallyperfect69
Summary: Team Kakashi has set off on a mission to rescue Sasuke... Again. Rumballs are consumed, the Akatsuki gets involved and everyone is drunk. This sounds like a recipe for disaster * laughs evilly*. May contain spoilers for Shippuden.


**DISCLAIMER:** I** DO NOT OWN NARUTO!**

Sakura shuddered as she remembered her previous encounter with Sasuke. He had seemed so cold and distant, and he had tried to kill her, a fellow member of their childhood team seven. Kakashi had alerted her, Naruto and some of their other peers that Sasuke had been sighted near the border of the Land of Fire and the hidden rain. Sakura was currently preparing to meet Kakashi, Naruto, and Sai at the Konoha gates.

As Sakura ran out the door she spotted a drawstring pouch of soldier pills and snagged it... Little did she know it was a bag of rum balls.

Sakura landed neatly beside Sai, a few seconds after Naruto, perfectly punctual as usual.

" Ha! Beat you Sakura-chan!" Cried Naruto as he gleefully glomped Sakura.

"Maybe it's because of that little 'bond' you and Sasuke share," Sai commented, a small emotionless smirk adorning his face.

Naruto grinned at Sai. "Well yeah, me and Sas-" Naruto stopped, taking in Sai's smirk, "Hey! I'm not gay dattebayo!"

"Says the man who's perfected the art of being a sexy woman," said Sai, his smirk widening.

"Do not underestimate the power of the Sexy Jutsu! Countless great shinobi have fallen victim to this weapon of mass destruction!" Naruto shouted passionately.

"More like weapon of mass seduction," Sakura muttered, chuckling.

Naruto laughed wholeheartedly, picturing all the perverted senseis he had seen pass out from nose-blood loss (Kakashi, Jiraiya, Ebisu, and even the third Hokage).

"However I could see you passing as a woman even without the transformation, dickless." Sai continued thoughtfully.

"Your one to talk", growled Sakura defensively. "Your skanky half-shirt rivals Ino's!"

"You know, ugly, I'm surprised you don't use the Sexy Jutsu more often."

Sakura's face reddened and her fist clenched in her tight leather glove.

"It would give you the illusion of actually possessing breas-"

BANG! Then everything went silent as Sakura stood with her fist thoroughly buried in the corpse of a once round and now deformed fire hydrant.

"I-" Sai started to speak but was interrupted by Naruto as he tackled him to the ground and covered Sai's mouth to prevent him from further provoking Sakura.

"I know your into this sort of thing" whispered Sai slyly, managing to talk through Naruto's death grip, "but I don't think straddling me is good for the straight image your trying to pull off."

Naruto turned bright red as he noticed his position on top of Sai's chest.

"I was-" gulp- "I wasn't-" Naruto swallowed. "I just didn't want you to anger Sakura chan," He hissed, glancing fearfully at the still livid pink haired kunoichi with genuine fear as he slowly backed away from Sai.

"Uh huh," said Sai with something that resembled skepticism. "You were awaiting an opportunity get on top of me. " A fake smile adorned Sai's face as he straightened up and adjusted his half shirt.

"Where is Kaka-sensei?" Whined Naruto, anxious to change the subject.

"Well," the voice of their perverted sensei floated through the air like pollen.

Naruto sneezed.

"I was so touched watching you two love birds that I couldn't bring myself to interrupt." Kakashi said lazily as he jumped beside Sakura.

Sai smiled creepily and Naruto shuddered and looked away.

"Is that all, Kakashi Sensei?" Growled a certain girl with superhuman strength and Tsunade's legendary short temper.

Kakashi sweatdropped as his eyes fell on the pile of oozing scrap metal that was once a fire hydrant.

"You are two hours late." Sakura removed her fist from the fire hydrant and brushed off its guts.

"Well," Kakashi chuckled nervously and scratched the back of his head in a Naruto-ish manner. "I got lost on the path of life?" He said hopefully, at the same time stowing his brand new copy of 'Icha Icha Tactics' in the pack at his waist.

Sakura did not miss this maneuver, however, before she could land a chakra infused hit on Kakashi's smug, masked face he said,"No use being late," and zipped through the Konoha gates leaving Sakura, Naruto, and Sai standing behind a trail of dust.

"We're gonna go save Sasuke-kun, dattebayo!" Shouted Naruto, taking up the acclaimed Nice Gai pose complete with thumbs up, eye sparkle, and tooth sparkle.  
Sakura facepalmed and sighed. "Come on guys, lets catch up to Kaka-sensei before he starts reading that book again."

With that they jumped through Konoha's gated without a sound and with barely a flash of dust (like ninja).

Team Kakashi raced through the trees. Hard looks of determination adorned everyone's face (except Sai, whose expression was nonexistent). Naruto's usually playful eyes narrowed and his speed increased as he pushed even farther through the forest.

'I will save Sasuke no matter what' he thought solemnly. He glanced at the pink haired kunoichi and his resolve strengthened. 'And I will keep my promise to Sakura-chan'.  
Kakashi stopped suddenly and turned to face the direction they were coming from.

"Awww, Kaka-sensei, why'd we stop?" Whined Naruto.

"We are being followed," said Sai , calmly removing his scroll and paintbrush from his pack with an artistic flourish.

"There is no need to worry," said Kakashi lazily, pulling out 'Icha Icha Tactics'. "These are Konoha ninja."

Suddenly six ninja landed in the trees in front of Team Kakashi.

"It's a drag, but some members of the Akatsuki have been spotted near the same area as Sasuke" said Shikamaru lazily, slumping against a tree trunk and massaging his temples.

Kakashi surveyed the six ninja noting each one, Shikamaru, Lee, Neji, Kiba, Shino, and Choji.

"Hey! This is just like the original Sasuke retrieval team!" Exclaimed Naruto.

"You are forgetting one person. " said Shino a hint of irritation passing through his usually stoic countenance.

"Who am I forgetting?" Said Naruto, seeming genuinely confused.

" Ah..." said Shikamaru, sensing that the life of his yellow-haired friend could be in danger if this conversation continued. "Let me outline my battle strategy for you, Kakashi," said Shikamaru, taking charge of the situation.

"We have 10 ninja," he paused, "One that specializes in Tai-Jutsu," Lee looked up, "A Byakugan user, Neji, a mid-range ninja and dog team, Kiba and Akamaru , a member of the Aburame clan, Shino, a Mid-long range type from the Akimichi clan, Choji, a former ANBU member who possesses Sharingan in one eye, Kakashi, a kunoichi with super-human strength and incredible medical Nin-Jutsu, Sakura, a member of The Foundation that specializes in espionage and long-range fighting, Sai, the student of Jiraiya-sama, Naruto, and myself." Shikamaru finished and sweatdropped, this was not going to be easy.

"Shikamaru, we will be up against eight ninja including team Taka and four members of the Akatsuki," said Choji, looking worried.

"That's four S-rank criminals and four of Orochimaru's subordinates" Sakura added with a grimace.

"Ah," said Shikamaru frowning. "It's troublesome but I've come up with a strategy that will play up our strengths as much as possible. " He closed his eyes and leaned against the tree trunk, folding his hands behind his head." Kiba and Shino, you two will focus on Tobi and Deidara."

Kiba frowned. "Why us?"

"I get it. " Said Shino. " My bugs will be effective to target Tobi, who is good at evading attacks. Kiba and Akamaru's noses will be useful to detect Deidara's explosives and their mid-long range style and speed will work well against Deidara, who generally stays away from the actual fighting."

"Yes," said Shikamaru, "you've also both been on the same team for several years and work well together." Kiba grinned and held his fist out to Shino who just looked ahead. Kiba pouted. Kakashi nodded in approval of the plan and turned to the next page in his book.

"As far as Itachi and Kisame, I anticipate that they will be separated and Sasuke and Itachi will be fighting each other. Lee will be fighting Kisame, since Samehada absorbs chakra and Lee's Tai-Jutsu does not use chakra."

Lee grinned an incredibly sparkly grin and addressed everyone present, "I will beat that guy!" His face turned very sincere. "I will not let down Gai sensei, or the power of youth!"

" That's the spirit, dattebayo!" Cried Naruto passionately.

Shikamaru paused and turned to Team Kakashi. "Kakashi, you and Naruto will most likely do battle with the victor of the battle between Sasuke and Itachi. "

Kakashi nodded and Naruto looked somewhat concerned.

" Neji, you will focus on the member of team Taka with one of the swords of the Mist. " Neji nodded. "Sakura you will take out their sensory ninja. " Sakura clenched her fist in anticipation of smashing in a face. "Choji and myself will deal with that temperamental ninja they have with them. " Shikamaru then turned his attention to Sai. "You will provide backup to anyone who needs it." Sai nodded.

Suddenly Shikamaru's countenance changed from lazy to dead serious. "This is merely and outline that plays up everyone's strengths." His gaze darkened even more. "But keep in mind that never in the world of ninja do battles go exactly according to plan."

Shikamaru looked around at the now stony faced ninja that faced him and sighed in relief. They were no longer the soft genin of the rookie nine days, now they were much more experienced in battle and in the world of ninja. "But," Shikamaru said, his expression lightening, " I have faith in you all."

Choji sniffled.


End file.
